Hey guys, if you didn't get a chance to read it head on over to my blog post about my experience with cervical insufficiency/incompetent cervix during my pregnancy. 

After dealing with a shortened cervix, rescue cerclage and incompetent cervix I knew I likely was not going to make it full term with this pregnancy. My doctor had put me off work and put me on light activity. I clarified this with him many times to be sure. He basically told me, I could do light cleaning, grocery shopping, take my daughter for short walks etc. But no heavy lifting and if I ever feel cramping that does not subside to stop what I’m doing. We discussed my daily activity level at every appointment and my doctor was not concerned. On April 14th I decided to do one last grocery trip before the girls made their debut so I asked a friend to help me with the cart and lifting the groceries etc. On our way to the store I felt some cramping but nothing major so I wasn’t too worried but definitely mindful of it. While we were walking through costco I felt my pants get a little bit wet and honestly at this point in my pregnancy it wasn’t uncommon for me to pee my pants from time to time, especially if I laughed or sneezed. That’s just the honest truth. I went to the washroom and nothing seemed out of the ordinary so we gathered our groceries and went on our way. I think in my head I was rationalizing the things that were happening because in retrospect I’m like.. “Jenna! You were clearly in labour!”. But anyhow, We started the drive home and I began to feel some more cramping, that is when I started to get a little bit worried. 

Again, I can tell I was rationalizing because instead of immediately going to a hospital I drew a warm bath in hopes that it would help me relax. Just before I got into the tub I went to pee and when I stood up the toilet was full of blood. Sorry if TMI. I was scared at this point and told my husband we had to go to the city to the hospital just to be safe. I’m the queen of downplaying situations so as to not worry anyone in my life so I assured my husband and everyone else that everything was just fine. We started the hour and half long drive and I could feel the cramping worsening and becoming more regular. At this point I knew I was in fact contracting and in labour. We called our nurses helpline and they asked if we could pull over so they could send an ambulance. At this point we were only about forty minutes from the hospital and I figured by the time the ambulance arrived and brought us there it wouldn't be any faster. The nurse agreed and we proceeded with the drive. We got there in about forty minutes and parked the car. My husband asked multiple times if he could push me in a wheelchair but you know how it is, I’m a strong, independent woman, I absolutely did not want him pushing me in a wheelchair. When we got to labour and delivery of course it happened to be a shift change and for that I apologize to all of the nurses. What a nightmare. I was checked by the doctor and she told me I was 10cm dilated and that one of our babies had a lot of hair. 

Jonathan and I were both in shock. Were only twenty nine weeks gestation. How could this be happening so soon. Will the babies be okay? Can’t you make it stop? 

Just as a note, most twin deliveries occur in the operating room due to the high chance of requiring a c-section. So they took my husband to get him gowned up and I remember as they wheeled me on the stretcher I had to cross my legs because I thought the babies were going to come right then and there. We had so many people in the OR with us. Five doctors, an anesthesiologist, about 16 nurses, the NICU team setting up the warmers and isolettes. It was extremely overwhelming but to be honest once they gave me an epidural I had never felt more calm. I think I was just in complete shock because I don’t remember feeling anxious, scared, excited or really any emotion at all. Baby B was transverse so they asked me multiple times If I wanted to have a c-section and I truly felt like all of my decisions had been taken away from me up until that moment so I drew the line. I told them I wanted a vaginal delivery. Twin A arrived no problem at all. I pushed for a little bit and once Briar was delivered they rushed her over to the isolette with the NICU team. At this time, Twin B flipped into a breech position. It took a little bit of watching and waiting. The doctors were following Brielles lead. One of her legs got stuck on the way out and they were considered they could have fractured her femur. Once she was delivered, she to was rushed to an isolette with the NICU team. It is the strangest thing delivering your babies and not having them on your chest. They were just taken and I was left in a cold OR in complete shock by the whole experience.

Fortunately Jonathan got to see the girls and snapped some pictures of them before they took them to the NICU. I was in the OR for a long time and was then taken to a recovery room. A few doctors spoke to me about prematurity, the critical window, consent for donor milk and things like that. A few hours later they brought me on a stretcher to the NICU to see my babies. 

I cried. 

A lot. 

I felt sick, like I was going to pass out. 

They were so beautiful but so tiny and fragile looking. It took me a few weeks to realize they were so far from fragile. They were the strongest little humans in those early weeks.

It was a crazy thing that happened, having premature babies at twenty nine weeks. It is something I was never prepared for. I still reflect on it to this day. I wonder if I could have changed things. Could I have done more? But now, instead of being angry at myself I am forever grateful that my body was able to house and nourish these girls until they were healthy enough to join us. I was enough for them. I am enough.